Some things you could buy me, if you felt like it.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, it is seasonally appropriate that the internet gets saturated with:
  • horrible craft ideas from twentysomething tattooed crocheting cupcake-makers, and/or
  • vitriolic sprayings from single feminists, and/or
  • tired, played-out articles in popular press about the commercialisation of the occasion.
I don’t want to get all ranty (don’t encouarge me) but given that V-Day does in fact encourage consumption, here is a list of things I would quite like as a gift if anyone would like to surprise me. My birthday is not until September and that seems very far away.

1. This terrifying horse head mask

Fortunately my sister has already bought this and she will probably let me have a go of hers. A great look for fall with jeans and a checked shirt!

2. A packet of potato gems (or a deep freezer filled with potato gems)

I think we’ve run out of sauce though so I wouldn’t mind some sauce too while you’re down the shops.

3. Something better than a plastic rain poncho

Golden Plains is fast approaching and I can’t believe that the best innovation we have to protect ourselves against rain at music festivals is essentially a garbage bag with a head hole cut out. I mean, you wouldn’t even give one to a small child as it presents a suffocation hazard. Fortunately, they are a great social equaliser (as evidenced at the fabulous Two Bright Lakes event at Melbourne Central during last year’s torrential apocalypse).

4. A ticket to Mark Lanegan

 Because I spent all of my cash dollars on tickets to see Rod Stewart, Ryan Adams, The Sonics and Golden Plains.

5. A packet of cable ties

We’ve nearly run out and I can’t do without them. I fixed a pair of shorts with a cable tie the other day. That’s innovation.

6. A label maker

A friend loaned me her label maker the other day and I really went to town. This is a great gift idea for me as I am a compulsive organiser and lover of stationery. Thanks in advance.

7. A date with Neko Case

Neko Case was already my favourite ever musician and then I listened to her interview with Julie Klausner where she introduced me to the term “tampon art” and also described Bananarama as “a pantyliner.”
I think we’d be great together even though she a) we are both straight women, and b) she likes cats.

One thought on “Some things you could buy me, if you felt like it.

  1. spam says:

    Re No 5 – that is an hereditary talent – father- stubbies = string

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