Category Archives: Anglonormative

An open letter to Emoji app developers, or: Thanks for the kind turds!

Dear Emoji,

Firstly, I wish to congratulate you on what is without question a terrific product. The Emoji app, which adds an additional keyboard of illustrated symbols to one’s iPhone, is not only useful, it is a bargain at $0.99.

Whenever I bother to check iPhone updates (rarely), I am only really interested in whether or not Emoji has anything new to offer. Twitter, Facebook, Evernote, WeatherZone, and all the apps I actually use: who cares. All I am really interested in is whether Emoji has released any icons.

Emoji, you have done an excellent job on the existing icons. I would like to offer my especial congratulations regarding, in order of importance:


Smiling turd

Thumbs up

Euphemistic penic alternative

Actually, fuck the rest of them. I’m really only interested in smiling turd. He’s so friendly! And so useful!

While many iPhone slaves are extremely unhappy about the faults in Apple Maps, the recent update to IOS6 gave us a wealth of new icons to enjoy! Such as…

Disgusting tongue

Creepy moon

A little cloud that goes perfectly with the smiling turd

And my personal favourite, tempura prawn.

Obviously, these are excellent additions to the collection of icons and I applaud you, Emoji app developers. However, Emoji, if I may:

The present set of icons is still missing a crab (my most critical of future icons), not to mention the lack of lobsters.

The new set includes far too many cats.

Additionally, the new set does not feature a single black person.

I look forward to seeing these inclusions in an update in the near future. I would happily shell out $0.99 for a crab.