LYRICAL PEDANTRY, PART 1 (in which Chops tears a new one in popular music): Mental As Anything’s LIVE IT UP

It has come to my attention that much of what is spouted in the lyrics of popular music is — in short — total BS.

Therefore, it is my pleasure to introduce a new series for this here webular log: LYRICAL PEDANTRY, in which Ms Mindy Chops dissects the myths masquerading as commonly accepted truths in popular music.

In honour of our national holiday earlier this week, I thought I’d kick against the bricks of a beloved Aussie hit, Mental As Anything’s Live it up.

I’ve got a lot of time for this song, it’s true. But upon closer inspection, I discovered many untruths,  several misconceptions, and one man’s persistent efforts to join the Sex Offenders’ Register. The pedant explains: Continue reading

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SMELLS LIKE TWEEN SPIRIT: My nephew, LOL machine

My sisterchops (an extraordinary parent) is raising a nine-year-old comic genius, who calls himself Dan-o-wan Xtreme.

Last week, Dan-o-wan Xtreme snuck into his grandmother’s iPhone and added WHISKEY and FARTS to her shopping list. Like so:

Also, he denied it.

A SPECIAL PLEA FROM CHOPS: Please invite me to your weddings, parties, anything

I am basking in a post-wedding glow after attending the world’s loveliest event on the weekend – that of my dear friend and IMHO Melbourne’s most fabulous and exciting designer-maker-deadset-legend Miss Emily Green and her long-time sidekick Mr T (also a deadset legend).  I mean, just LOOK AT THIS!!!


I ADORE going to weddings. I am forever saying insensitive things to my shacked-up pals about how maybe they should think about putting a ring on it.

Here are some things I love about weddings. Continue reading

On my bedside table, or; Books read recently (non-fiction edition)

I had a goal this year that I would read 52 books, an average of one a week. Yeah, well, I fell a bit short (but not much – I think I ended up reading around 45 but I stopped writing them down around August).

I was recently lamenting the fact that I read very little non-fiction. I blame, amongst other things, the internet and a short attention span. There are few special topics I care about enough to warrant reading an entire non-fiction book. It’s not that I’m not interested in the world around me; far from it. It’s just that I prefer to read essays or articles, or follow trails from around the internet, or even seek the wisdom of the last bastion of “factual” “information” (by which I am of course referring to Wikipedia). Continue reading

In Conversation: A Chops Family Christmas

SISTERCHOPS

“Fear my wrath.”

“Fear my Philip Roth.”

“Fear my Philip K. Dick.”

“Fear my dick.”

Fin. Continue reading

CHOP LESSONS: Things I learned these past coupla weeks (Part 3 in a series)

1. It’s much easier to get divorced in Islam and frankly I suspect this is for the best.

I’ve just finished reading Jeffrey Eugenides The Marriage Plot and you know, I quite liked it. Unfortunately, many of my favourite authors write one or two AMAZING books (Siri Hustvedt, I’m staring directly at you) and a bunch of so-so novels too. Having absolutely adored Eugenides’ first two novels, the sublime Virgin Suicides and the gorgeously, intricately plotter Middlesex, I had high hopes for The Marriage Plot but it fell a little flat. Still an enjoyable read.

Anyway, I did learn a bunch of things in this book which is the pleasing side effect of being a fiction reader (as opposed to the singular purpose of non-fiction I suppose.)

One of the things I learned that apparently all that is required for divorce under certain Islamic practice is for the husband to say to the wife three times (just to be sure): I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee. 

This really got me thinking. Continue reading

CHOPSY, TAKE A LETTER: An open letter to Ryan Gosling, or why “Drive” is a complete P.O.S.

This week, I’m taking a staycation in Melbourne and what a jolly good feeling it is to not be at work! I’ve been thoroughly enjoying my favourite indoorsy activities, thanks to Melbourne’s reliably shithouse spring weather. This has facilitated lots of lovely catch-ups with friends, reading fiction, drinking coffee, pottering around at home, and going to the pictures.

A while ago, a friend had the genius idea that we design and execute a custom-made movie marathon along the following itinerary: coffee/movie 1/dinner/movie 2. WINNER. The last time I went to a movie marathon, it involved a secret vodka supply (I think) and either Mum or Dad having to pick us up at 5.30am. This one was much more civilised.

Our first film was Pina in 3D (or, if you are my childish/hard of hearing friend Dan, Penis in 3D, although I am quick to assure you it isn’t that type of film) which was truly extraordinary, as was my interval Grill’d burger. However, I feel the need to tell you, dear readers, that Drive is a completely terrible film that could kindly be described as an unintentionally hilarious, steaming, festering, fly-ridden turd. So I’ve decided to take a letter. Continue reading

WHAT WE RECKON: A new song for Freo? Plz.

A special public plea in an out-of-sessions edition of What We Reckon: The Chops At Home Guide to AFL Club Songs.

It has been expressly requested that I put together a few words regarding the Fremantle Football Club’s proposal to give the club song the ol’ heave ho and perhaps bring in an alternative. Continue reading

CHOPS AT LARGE: Chopsy goes to MONA

I spent the week in Hobart, so this edition of Chops At Home is bought to you by Tasmania, Australia’s island state. The trip was entirely pleasant (although far less eventful than my previous visit).

I undertook my maiden voyage to MONA, Hobart’s premier tourist attraction (since the nightclub with the slide is sadly no longer in operation). And I loved it, loved it, loved it. A friend of mine who is knowledgeable about such things said “Chops, if the Guggenheim were to open in Australia, it would not be disssimilar to MONA”. Continue reading

CHOP LESSONS: Things I learned this week (Part 2 in a series)

Learned a few new things this week. Here they are.

1. Bryan Adams, you have so much to offer! 

Sometimes iTunes shuffle just does not do it for me. Of some 2800 songs on my portable mp3 playing device, I seem to feel ambivalent towards approximately 2500 of them. So sometimes I like to listen to them in alphabetical order. This is what it threw up yesterday: Continue reading