It would appear that I am something of a derro magnet.
The other day, I was walking down Lygon St after work. Casually minding my own business, listening to some music en route to my hairdresser, I was stopped by a bloke my BFF describes as the Semi-Homeless. You know the type — he probably did have a home, and a local pub to drink in, but a pretty shitty home and only the shittiest pubs. He was wearing a sheepskin jacket and a flanno, and had he been 20 years younger, without the packet of Holiday 50s, I probably would have fancied him. Anyway, he gave me a lascivious wink, a big smile and an enthusiastic “G’DAY RANGA!” I have to say, old derros just don’t wink like they used to. And I’ll be honest: I didn’t mind it.
But really, what did he think would come of it? Did he think I would check my watch and say “oh, semi-homeless! I’m not doing anything right now, how about you? I am sure you have a very busy schedule, between Centrelink and going to the TAB to bet on the trots, but you seem like a bit of orright. Perhaps we could get a drink and get to know each other better?” Soz, derro. No dice.
As I had a free afternoon, and basically am a pervert, I just watched some local footy down at Brunswick St. My usual bench on the wing was taken, so I spent the first half sitting behind the goals, but a) it made me feel like a poor person, and b) I kept having to kick it in from the boundary after every score.
At 3/4 time my favorite bench became available so I snapped it up. I was minding my own business when I was joined by some KING bogans. One was having a fight with the missus on the mobile because apparently that fucken bitch had overspent on the credit card. Again. All this while sucking down a dart. And a Woodstock can. What a guy.
I’m quite an enthusiastic follower of The Downlow podcast and would like to nick one of their ideas by nominating King Bogan as DROPKICK OF THE WEEK for his comment to a long-haired Reds player. “OI PONYTAIL! YA LOOK LIKE ME STEPSISTER!”
I was tempted to ask if he roots like her too, but thought he might punch me in the throat.
CHOPS AT HOME 
If he punched you in the throat it would have been a great way to reconnect with the Brendan Cowell Ambo.
Just sayin.
Ambo Brendan Cowell was a humourless prick, but. A dreamy, heroic, muscular humourless prick.
Rugged good looks, wasted on him if he has no sense of humour. What a shame.
[…] posts on how much derros love me, but I just think you should know that one of the Semi-Homeless (see here for definition) deemed it necessary to call me a slut today. And I was just minding my own business! What is an […]